I remember starting to visit nursing homes regularly with my mother at about the age of four or five (something I've continued to do throughout my life). Even at that early age, I have memories of seeing people who were content and those who weren’t, even though I couldn’t yet articulate that. I remember growing into a curiosity about why that was. It didn't seem to correlate with what had gone on medically or each person's current physical abilities, nor was it seemingly about family connection. So what was and is the differentiator? The gratefulness.org people recently posted a blog about the importance of befriending ourselves. It spoke to the importance of surrendering our constant goals and 'shoulds' and our need for accomplishment, and instead “turning toward ourselves and extending the gift of appreciation of who we are, exactly as we are. Imperfectly perfect”. Isn’t that a wonderfully simple message? Stop striving to become, accomplish, get recognition. Stop feeling like we are coming up short or planning how much happier we will be if we just…fill in the blank. I have been pondering how that relates to transitioning to and moving through our retirement chapter of life. We occupy ourselves finding things that keep us busy in retirement and seek to find our sense of worth now that there isn’t a job/career to fill our accomplishment and identity bucket. What a juicy chance retirement can be to really learn to befriend ourselves and see ourselves as being enough just as we are (if that hasn't happened earlier in life). One thing I have gotten very clear about after interviewing folks about retirement is that our plans will change many times throughout this phase of life including changes in where we live, what we claim as our identity, physical abilities, changes in who we surround ourselves with, changes in family configurations and dynamics and/or loss of a spouse or partner, what we do for pastimes, and how we begin to think about time and our own mortality. We will reinvent our lives many times in retirement. Yet through it all, we consistently have ourselves to befriend as long as we draw breath. What a great gift to savor, if we let ourselves. I hope this next chapter is packed with rich experiences and relationships for you. It's important to do the things that give us greater meaning and connection. And regardless of how that changes up, may we consistently befriend and accept ourselves with compassion in all our new forms. Maybe that is what I picked up on in nursing homes, that internal grounding of being content with oneself. I will only know for sure by living it. How are you befriending yourself?
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We often think of early retirement as a magical time in life where we are free to do what we want, when we want. Many folks will tell me of all the fun they are having and the relief they feel. May every day feel like that for years to come! I also encounter folks who are struggling to keep their chin up some days while making such a major transition into their new chapter, especially if work was a big source of their social life and sense of identity. I thought I would share some great ways to make a good day better, and ideas that may be just the thing on 'one of those days'. These are simple lifestyle activities we can be deliberate about including to help our brains generate the chemicals that promote a positive sense of wellbeing and help us remain resilient. Just as we are attentive to exercising our bodies, this is a great way to exercise our brain chemicals. These ideas come from the work of Alex Korb, a UCLA neuroscientist who specializes in resilience and depression. He wrote The Upward Spiral Notebook which was written as practical help for reversing the course of depression. Korb’s work assures us that the brain is malleable and thoughts can be reshaped. By changing surroundings and activities, you can change your brain’s chemicals and, in turn, your thoughts. Here are five simple things you can do, according to Korb, that will positively affect your brain chemistry and activity: 1. Spend Time in the Sun Sunshine coming through your skin helps you manufacture serotonin, which in turn helps pick up your mood. It also helps your brain’s internal clock and stimulates the release of melatonin, which will help you sleep better and at the right time. Improved sleep increases your tolerance to pain, lowers blood pressure, helps with memory, wards off weight gain, increases your immune function and increases your ability to concentrate. So allowing yourself a little sun has a big payoff! (And yes, we also need to be mindful of a balance with protecting our skin.) 2. Shake That Body Movement helps with the release of serotonin, which is the mood lifting neurochemical. While many think of exercise as going to the gym and pounding it out, even going for a short walk out your front door has a positive impact on serotonin. (And walking on a sunny day could compound your results.) 3. Stretch It Out Tight muscles are interpreted as stress by the brain. If you can give yourself a whole body stretch, you can open those muscles and tell the brain the stress is past. Stretching will help release neurochemicals that increase pain tolerance. I love the benefits of yoga as I am a changed person after I do it. But even if you don't have time for that, incorporating stretching and moving the big muscles of the body into normal daily activities will make a difference. Think about doing a couple of deep knee bends while brushing your teeth, or twists while waiting in line at the grocery store. 4. Touch is Very Powerful Getting a massage will also release serotonin (is there a repeating theme here?) and also release oxytocin, which reduces your sense of stress and anxiety. There are a host of benefits from massage including improved sleep, releasing toxins, pain relief, improved circulation, greater flexibility, help with digestion and headaches, and improved immune function. Even if you can’t get a massage, hugging someone or even holding someone’s hand will get you started on the chemical release. And vice versa, if you don’t have someone to hug, a massage will help with the chemical release. 5. The Power of Your Breath Deep breathing reduces stress and anxiety. It helps with neurochemical release (again!). It also helps moderate activity in the vagus nerve, which regulates the heart, the lungs, and digestion (where we produce a lot of our neurochemicals). Deep breathing is something you can do anywhere. Simply inhale deeply, hold for a moment, and exhale slowly. If you can make the exhale a little longer than the inhale, that's even better. Breathing is powerful enough that it's worthy of its own article, but we'll leave it here for today. These five things are so easy to do, you may not even realize all the good things you are already doing for yourself every day. If you are having a down day, simply focusing in on doing these five things may bring you some new perspective. Every day in retirement is an opportunity, so be at your best to take it all in! I hope you are generating lots of positive chemicals today. Source: https://alexkorbphd.com/how-to-strengthen-your-brains-happiness-circuitry-2/
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AuthorRuth Tongen helps people plan and live meaningful, fun and healthier retirements. Archives
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